Day 8

Today was the day we were supposed to have a warm bath and relax, and today was anything but relaxing so I just didn’t.  I feel BLAH….that’s all I have for you all today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Sometimes we just feel heavy.

Sister Solange sums it all up in Cranes in the Sky

Well, it’s like cranes in the sky
Sometimes I don’t wanna feel these metal clouds
I tried to drink it away
I tried to put one in the air
I tried to dance it away
I tried to change it with my hair

I ran my credit card bill up
Thought a new dress make it better
I tried to work it away
But that just made me even sadder

I tried to keep myself busy
I ran around circles
Think I made myself dizzy
I slept it away, I sexed it away
I read it away

I tried to run it away
Thought then my head be feeling clearer
I traveled 70 states
Thought moving around [would] make me feel better

I tried to let go my lover
Thought if I was alone then maybe I could recover
To write it away or cry it away (don’t you cry baby)

Well it’s like cranes in the sky
Sometimes I don’t wanna feel those metal clouds

Signing off,

Ms. Raqi, The Healing Heart   

**A Note From Raqi**

Reading this really brought up some tears. I had dealt with depression and anxiety for at least six years at this point. Looking back this is really one of those days that I would shut myself off from the world and overthink, cry, over process every possible scenario and just be sad. Sometimes I would work myself up to the point that I would be puking or hyperventilating. Fast forward to today, now I still have days where I shut myself off from the world. I turn my phone on DND, change my status on social platforms, and I lock myself in my bedroom, for a different purpose. I take the time to retreat to fill myself up when I’m feeling like I was this day, defeated and/or depleted. There is no secret recipe to eliminate hard times, I’ve just learned some coping skills. If there are situations that need to be addressed, I pray then make plans instead of panic. If someone hurt me, I process through the pain and work on extending grace to me and the person first; at that point I decide how much of myself I will give to the person/situation moving forward. Remember when I said I was a walking bruise, pokes hurt, and there was a lot of overreacting in my past. As I heal, I now take the time to evaluate what really happened before becoming an emotional mess. I don’t even recall what happened on back on this day but I felt the despair in my words. Thanks be to the Most High God for deliverance and freedom. To anyone who may still be there, where I was dealing with anxiety and depression, know that you can and will get out. It may take meds, therapy, time, a new lifestyle and/or a new environment to change it. It may take prayer and meditation. Whatever it takes DO YOUR WORK, there is still hope!

I stumbled upon this resource on SnapChat. I haven’t used it personally but it may be what someone needs to get started. https://cerebral.com/faqs