You don’t have to be nice you have to be kind. Nice guys finish last for a reason.

I searched the definition of the word a while ago and it said pleasant, agreeable and satisfactory.

Sounds like people pleasing right?

Kind is defined as having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.

That’s about how you treat others not how they respond.

I found myself trapped being nice. I would always want everyone to be happy with my choice or decision, even my kids. At one point my boy Frank started calling me Puddin because he said I was too damn soft. I would let people walk all over me in efforts to make them comfortable, please them, I just wanted to be agreeable.

That only works by losing yourself. I had gotten so caught up in what others would want and need I was to become a martyr. I would lose years with me covering others. I would add stress to me over extending myself. I couldn’t say no, even when I needed to because it may make the other person unhappy but I would take the unhappy, misery, and set backs. I would take the poison and give them the kool-aid because I just wanted them to like me.

I soon found out that doesn’t work. You can bend over backwards and people will still find fault and not be satisfied. And even if they see how nice you are it still won’t change their nature. People will keep people-ing and take more than they give as long as you allow.

Now I know I’m kind. I care. I’m empathetic. I help, when I can. I offer words of encouragement. I cover with prayer. I may even baby sit or loan out $2 but NONE of it will include an abandonment of what makes me happy. Kind still enforces boundaries. See I can be kind and care about what happened but if I got something to do and can’t invest in your shit at that moment “imma have to call you back” ok! I’m saying no. I’m not doing shit that compromises my peace, time, structure or pocketbook, neither pocketbook.

Boundaries on fleek and I’m still KIND.

Me first.

I will not play nice just to be named nice.

My energy is on a budget.