Yesterday I didn’t post.

Today I almost didn’t.

I just don’t feel like it. I’m annoyed and I get tired of complaining and I feel like that’s what I been doing.

Life been life-ing and she been ghetto as hell with it. I’m tired. I want a whole day to not “have to”. Maybe it was the full moon but I haven’t felt refreshed since I got my last problem to solve.

I haven’t made any progress. I’ve taken my steps but I’m waiting.

I HATE WAITING!!!

It’s not even that I’m running out of time to address it, I have months. I just don’t like shit hanging over my head. It makes me feel heavy and gives me monkey brain, I can’t focus on shit that’s important all my mind goes back to is solving that problem.

And because I can’t solve it I get repissed at the person that placed me in the circumstances. Then I replay other events that lead up to the bullshit at hand and now I’m just cranky!

I don’t like myself that much when I’m like this. I just put my head down, twist up and watch YouTube to zone out. I don’t call people I go in a shell. I feel sleepy all day and look at my tasks with so little desire and then when I finally get up I realize it’s time for bed! The day is gone and I’ve done nothing with it.

Now if I start then I won’t be fresh the next day and if I don’t I will have guilt of wasting time.

I don’t be liking this shit but it’s out of my control.

#ugh