In my Queen Ramonda voice “I am not in the habit of repeating myself”. I truly hate it. Mainly because i know me, if it’s words it’s because anxiety, stress, worry and/or depression is popping up again. I will ramble and repeat the same thing. Most of my people know that’s a tell tell sign for a disappearing phase or an ugly cry. Ultimately, repeating is a red flag indicator, it means something gotta change.

I also hate cycles. Repeating the same patterns of brokenness, frustration, financial issues, and dysfunction. Just like when I notice myself repeating myself, when I notice my life is going in cycles I know it’s time to work.

“the devil will learn it’s a mistake when I am sure, I not going in cycles” – Whoever wrote Jonathan McReynolds song Cycles (maybe him)

I remember when I first heard the song. It was 2019, big sis Keych snatched me up on one of my heaviest days at the office. I was going through the motions and getting the job done but sis knew better, she always could tell when I wasn’t at peace. She was like “come go with me” and we jumped in her car. We went nowhere significant, we parked and she ministered to my soul. She played that song.

It hit me, the devil gets more clever and creative as I strengthen me. He doesn’t want to lose. He wanna keep playing forever. Cycles. During that time us was marital problems and housing problems now it’s adjusting to existing alone and maintaining a house…..same shit but a different pile.

Jonathan tells us in the song that the devil learns from our mistakes even if we don’t. Well I’ve learned as soon as it show’s itself as cyclical it’s time to straighten up and fly right. Sometimes I can tell because I watch the moon and I can find myself having the exact same emotions during a certain phase or it manifests as a deja vu. It can be a smell, a thought pattern, experience, vision even a song can show me that the cycle has begun.

Now my favorite line from the song is “The devil will learn it’s a mistake, when I am sure that I’m not going in cycles”. When you decide that you aren’t living in cycles anymore then and only then can you break them. It takes a lot of self examination, honesty and accountability. Often we participate in our own cycles.

In the book “Outwitting The Devil” By Napoleon Hill the devil or negative energy says that he is able to control 95% of people because they don’t use their mind. He is able to get them drifting and it takes hold when it evolves to a hypnotic rhythm or cycle. Like something going down a drain, going around and around until it goes down.

With that knowledge I choose to overcome drifting by having a A definiteness of purpose. I determine for me. I know who I am how I choose to show up in the world and no matter what I know giving up isn’t an option. I’ve lined up how I want to be remembered and I’m living every day to live up to my obituary.

Cycles waste time, energy, money, momentum and make you lose focus. I got too much to do to waste my time repeating the same cycles over and over. I learn from my mistakes and set new things in place for prevention. I have my circle with me that will snap me out of fussing and into mantras. Most importantly I have decided I’m not living in cycles.

I’m hate repeating myself.