A little more than six years ago Pastor John Hannah did a sermon series on emoji’s.

🙅🏽‍♀️

That guarded emoji was the one for me. He came from the story of Samson. He talked about how unforgiveness can trap us, stop us and keep us from reaching our true destiny. He also referenced a book. Y’all know I love a good read so I found the book and it changed my life, for the better.

The name of the book is “The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere. It takes you through a full process that can help you tear down the walls that you created in attempts to keep you from further pain. Those same walls trap us in that pain.

I’m sure it’s not just me. There will be an event and it replay in your head over and over. To ensure it never happens again you cut people off and draw lines in the sand. You learn love yourself more and begin to handle you with more care. It’s almost like we begin to handle our emotions like a porcelain doll on display.

DON’T TOUCH IT!!

But does a porcelain doll ever get to play? Not if the owner is obsessed with protecting it. Not believing in its own strength. Thinking the worst possible thing is always going to happen makes them keep it tucked. In a glass cabinet often. It can see out but it can’t get out. Others can see in but they can’t touch it.

With our emotions we take similar measures to protect ourselves can trap us. We will be alive and be trapped in a box while life goes on right by. Opportunities get taken from you like Samson lost his wife and it made him fall into Delilahs hands. I’ve watch friends and loved ones carry out plans I was once a part of because I was “enforcing my boundaries”. I’ve spent time missing out on love, joy, laughter, peace, prosperity, happiness and much progress harboring old feelings. That fear is “remedied” with the boundaries that have us end up disconnected and alone.

I refuse to live that way. Its lonely, boring and sad. We all need people and if we push everyone away we will ultimately trap ourselves.

The first step for me creating healthy boundaries was understanding what i needed to protect myself from. I’m always so strong and gone be okay, that I rarely would admit what even bothered me. I’ve told y’all I was a push over and wouldn’t speak up for myself and then when at the edge, I would cut people off. That was toxic in itself. Then I added the “No new friends” clause afraid of opening up because of previous shady encounters.

Now that I trust me more to speak up in real time I don’t have to live guarded and watching my back all the time. I live and love with pure intentions and that alone ensures it will all work out for my wellness. I am confident enough to say when something doesn’t serve me well and if I am offended I will address it rather than run. I am mindful of what I share and who I share with to protect my vulnerable areas.

Yesterday I talked to lifelong friend, we had disconnected years back because of unforgiveness. We reconnected when I read the book ( it’s self help, there are prompts). We’ve been back for a while now. Yesterday’s conversation reminded me of all the time we lost when I was pushing people away. I missed my Love Train! She was my shopping buddy, momming buddy, we are an entire frequency, fuck a vibe! It sucks to think that I almost finished my life without her in it all because I was afraid of life lifing and too immature!

Well, I ain’t no porcelain doll, if I am wisdom, maturity and growth serve as bubble wrap!

I’m gone live life protected by boundaries, not trapped in my own fears.