🎶But I’m just a soul who’s intentions are good. O,Lord please don’t let me be misunderstood.🎶

These are some words in the song “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” by the incomparable Nina Simone. The song talks about trying hard to be good to those around yet you still hurt them. Sometimes it’s inevitable.

I’ve said before enforcing boundaries is hard for me because I’m an empath and a healer. Even my cup of tea this morning reminded me of how my peaceful energy can heal those around me but at what cost? Myself? Even the fireman wears protective gear running into a fire. That doesn’t make him less powerful, just mindful that if he doesn’t save himself, he can’t save anyone else.

I love hard, I also love unconditionally. The entire world can see you as a monster and I will see your beauty. I can see you how The Most High sees you, a person deserving of love and care. I can clearly see your flaws and help you recover even if it’s your fault. I can help, it just can’t hurt me.

Often time times loving you more than you love people will hurt.

Sometimes it hurts you and sometimes it hurts them, sometimes both.

How do you cope when your love hurts people? I’m asking for me.

My love isn’t tough love often, think of it more like a cushioned seat. Yes, it’s soft and comfortable however you go too hard on it you will be reminded that it’s base is hard. The hard base isn’t there to be felt per se, it’s simply supporting the weight. It doesn’t feel nice, it’s not comforting, it hurts actually that’s why the cushion is there to make the structure useful and bearable.

My love has a hard part too. It’s tough conversations, establishing strong boundaries, it’s being clear about expectations, it’s being willing to withdraw from people and spaces, it’s declining invites. It’s the thing that allows me to still maintain balance in my world and pour out like i do. Just like a cushion with no chair my love is useless without it sometimes being tough.

And it may hurt, it’s not my intent, but I will never sacrifice my wellness to be there for others again. I will retreat or create more space between us before I kill me again. I mean no harm, for me nor others!!

I used to often absorb the hurt, drown in disappointment, discontentment and become depleted pouring out with out self checking. I now ask myself: Will it ever come up again? If so, I reflect and address it, head on too. I can’t hold on or overthink. I’m sleeping fine tonight ok! I mean no ill will I’m just can’t take no shit!

I wasted so much time being too soft, I’m not anymore. I still love, but me more than I love another it can be considered selfishness. I call it self love and I won’t ever feel bad for it because my intentions are always good.