🎶What I need from you is understanding. How can we communicate if you don’t hear what I say?🎶 – In my Xscape voice.

That’s been my problem, I hear, I seldomly would listen. I have a good problem with yacking on the phone then when it’s time to listen I get distracted. I’m chasing the squirrels. Scrolling on Facebook, thinking about how to respond, fussing at my kids, working, just doing a whole lot that ain’t listening.

It’s definitely a character flaw but I’m thankful for those that love me flaws and all. The best part is some people love me enough to tell me about my self and my cousin Krystal did just that the other day. I was telling her about my full moon revelation I blogged about and I mentioned the choices I make for peace. I mentioned listening, cuz went in yall! She ain’t hurt my feelings too bad especially because she finished with her signature “Love ya, mean it” after she checks me. She loves me enough to call me out and I promise I wouldn’t be at this place in life had it not been for her counsel. But that’s why I should listen too right.

I told her about how listening aids in creating harmony that fosters peace. Think about it. I’m a singer, I am a professionally trained one too. I can always catch my key and get in where I fit it, you wanna know how? LISTENING! It works every time. I was in rehearsal last week and I sat through him giving the bottom note, the harmony and when he came to me I knew exactly where to go. I sing top/soprano. Knowing the other notes helped me find mine and that’s what happens with listening in life too.

When we take the time to fully engage and listen to people we figure out a lot more not only about them but about ourselves as well. So while cuz and I were talking I asked something and she replied “Nope” and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

For a few reasons too:

1. She never says no, maybe hell nawl, but not a solid “Nope” like she said. When we don’t listen we assume and you know what they say about that word. You make an ass out of “u” and me. And that’s what I would have done. I almost moved in to the next part of conversations assuming I had agreement and had to stop and addressed what I had heard, No listened to. People have the right to change and if we listened we would here when it begins vs feeling like people “switching up” on us. Nah they said they don’t like xyz and you ignore them!

2. I was so used to her yes I didn’t know how to handle the no. I’m older but she has always been the big cousin, and again she always says yes. I had to catch myself. I first said nah, for real, she said no again😳 WTF?!?!! So I had to deal with me RESPECTING the boundaries of others because like Teddy Pendergrass in “Come go with me” I was gone do some convincing! But for the sake of peace I have to honor the boundaries set by others. It eliminate tensions and helps foster harmony because everyone gets what they need for themselves.

3. Listening allows you to see the other people. I didn’t know why she was saying no. I don’t think I ever found out, i think she was just showing me something. in order for peace to rule I have to actively work on my listening skills. No one feels at peace ignored and I can’t live in a bubble, I have to consider those I’m lifing with.

Now that my ears are open it’s like I’m experiencing the world new. My youngest son is an awesome storyteller, recaps a Marvel movie like he is the narrator! My oldest son is dating and he is completely color blind, she isn’t black and said “she’s human” when I asked her race. My middle boy likes participation when sharing, he says “and guess what” to ensure you are paying attention.

Deepest connections happen when there is understanding and understanding comes from listening. In all things I will seek listening, no understanding. I can’t communicate nor live in harmony if I don’t change this. Growth isn’t just about acquiring new skills. Sometimes it’s awareness and looking at your flaws and working on them. We have two ears one mouth to listen twice as much as we talk.

I want to foster a world where all those involved are at peace. All listened too and understood.

What I need is understanding.