Im so sick and tired of the narrative that you find a person, like them, fall in love and then these next steps seem to be predetermined: cohabitation and marriage. But for why??

I have this conversation about what I want out of love and I get so much push back: You don’t wanna get married again? You just ain’t found the right guy. You need to heal some more. Wouldn’t you want the boys to see a man love you properly? A husband can and will love you and your boys, he can help you raise them. And my least favorite, you don’t want to know where your man is every night?

People be blowing me. Why is it not ok to want what you want? In love it’s many different structures that work. And who says i lose out on anything taking cohabitation and marriage off the table? I still know where that ninja sleeps! I lose out on being controlled and overwhelmed with another being ALL THE TIME! I like to retreat. Put my phone on DND go on dates alone, read a book or go sit in nature. Some of those moment may be hard to pull off without someone feeling rejected.

Women need their space too. I manage all day. I managed my children, my household, my property, my team at work, S.E.L.F., Raqi’s Remedies, and my social platforms, I’m busy! And sometimes I just don’t wanna be bothered, and there are times when I do, I know me. The men I know don’t take kindly to being asked for space, they are used women being under them. I’m not that girl. I’m moving and shaking and creating my own lane, my life on my terms, i simply need a partner.

You catch i didn’t say to share it with right?

And I don’t! I don’t want to have to rearrange my life for you to fit.

I like waking up at 5 and ringing a singing bowl and sometimes throwing my ass in a circle with nothing on but body butter at 6:30a, that’s how i get my day started. Ideally a life partner would be on the same thing but what about they days they don’t wanna, because it’s days I don’t, then what? Do I not move how I wanna or make my person uncomfortable? Nah. Stay at your place me at mine and the mornings I wake up with you will be a treat. I may not need to throw it because it got throwed the night before, if you know what I mean. I like to sleep across the middle of the bed, that’s not really feasible when someone else is there. Sometimes I wanna watch a movie and sleep on the sofa because I won’t take a tv in my room.

All these complications are just about bed. What child rearing? Finances? Housekeeping?

So much gets mixed up when you attempt to share your entire life. I don’t want that. I really like being Alone Together. I get told that’s not ok, hell I’ve caught a man on bs living that way but I’ve also caught one on bs being together together so, eh. If it ends it doesn’t cut as deep. You don’t have to get new friends and at times new family. You won’t need a new budget and meal plan. You won’t have to change much of your day, they’d just no longer be a part. A simple break away.

Maybe it is due to pain. Either way it took me 37years to get comfortable holding space for me. I don’t wanna let it go.

I wanna be free.