I know that Mercury Retrograde is just an illusion but uh it’s seems to be real “retrogrady” around here. I mean unable to communicate effectively, unable to focus on the main point and not emotions, and heavy on the misinterpretations and misunderstandings. I’ve barely got through a convo this week without it being a fight. And it’s from all walks of life so it made me sit back and analyze every situation. CLEARLY, it was me not them, so going within and reflecting was in order.

So as I was combing through the situations in my mind I’m also watching videos, scrolling through social media and something kept popping up: Shadow work. If you don’t know shadow work is when you ask yourself questions to understand how and why you are triggered by a specific thing. So I asked myself the hard questions and it revealed to me that shit that was getting to me was revealing my ugliest parts. The parts I’m most embarrassed about. The parts I never want anyone to know. Some parts were created out of survival mode too, so I started thinking of what i survived, oh it was bad.

For the second time this retrograde I found myself in ugly tears, but they cleansed. Coming face to face and confronting shadows and ugly or hidden things about myself is necessary for growth. Real talk nothing said to me this week has been new. I thought some of it no longer applied. I’m new right? I’ve grown and changed so much in the last few years I’m a different person right?

The shadow side is still there. As my light brightens so will my shadow grow so I have to be prepared to deal with them or running from them will over take me.

This week has been abrasive as hell, hopefully it works like sandpaper and helps refine me and smooth out my rough edges. Exposing me to me so that I can do the work. We all got ugly parts that gotta get dealt with or they will pop up and ruin the now.

I’m committed to better, all around. The ugly parts too. Realizing and understanding my emotions and triggers is a part of my growth. I’ve been through a lot of ugly stuff that pops it’s head to remind me. Healing isn’t ignoring it. It’s looking at the ugly parts, honoring the ugly and most important working on the ugly parts.

Because whether I like to admit it or not, there are some ugly parts of me.