Yesterday someone was pouring into me. He was telling me how much he appreciates me in his life and who I am specifically. And this wasn’t a man I’m romantically involved with. This was a friend, a business partner, someone who doesn’t have to flatter me by any means, so I felt like I had to return the compliment by default.

NOPE!

I’ve come to realize that returning those complements was something I practiced because I didn’t honor me or my worth so of course I couldn’t take a compliment. It wasn’t warranted. Of course I’d “owe them one” right. They didn’t “ owe” me the compliment right?

WRONG!

They may not owe me anything but I still deserve it. I still deserve for my life’s work to be honored, we all do. The way I show up in the world is unique, its special, it’s necessary but it’s not easy at all. I show up as love and light in absolutely everything I touch, at least that’s what he said. He made a phone call to say thank you and I sat and absorbed it this time.

It felt good. I felt good.

I’ve been working on awareness after my last book club read “The Greatest Secret”. I caught myself when I began repaying the compliments, I was aware of my trauma response this time. That’s what it is, trauma. I’d been told so many time that I think too highly of myself by my abusers. They made me believe for everything I got I owed the world, because I wouldn’t wanna think I’m “special or something” now would I?

I was manipulated for so long that sometimes I still have to remind me that I’m safe. Grounding in the now helped me realize that I have found my tribe, and they see me. They honor the all that is me. All of it. They see and aren’t intimidated by my wisdom, my growth, my maturity nor my glow up. I’m finally being seen and it feels so good to not have to shrink to be loved nor to be lovable.

The best part of me taking the step back and not returning the compliment is this lesson. As I said something he said: “Queen you gotta let people love on you too, you shouldn’t always pour, if you do when/how would you get filled up?” It never dawned on me that feeling the need to return compliments left my emotional bank account in the red. Every deposit, I made a withdrawal, at that rate I would stay broke and broken. Nope.

I’ve filled up my own love tank. Now, in the words of Cardi B, now I need to fill up the safe. I need to keep a few of those moments just about me. Honor that I’m honored. Cherish that I’m cherish. Love that I am loved. Appreciate that I’m appreciated. See that I am seen. Be ok in the moments. And take a compliment.

I like it here