I gotta give Megan the Stallion her props for giving me a song that explains how I feel sometimes.

Yo the world is legit on my shoulders. As a woman that has everything, I’m supposed to have everything together. Whew chile I don’t! Some days I’m not ok. Some days I’m overwhelmed. Some days I cry but all days I try. But bad B!{+#£$ have bad days too!

I have the beautiful family, they make messes and demand to be fed daily. I have a thriving career in an industry that’s been whooping my ass all year. I have a nice home, and home owner issues. I finally pull up in my black truck….with luxury vehicle repair costs. My locs almost reach my waist but these t-Rex arms making these roller sets exhausting. I got a big ole fat a$$ and I can’t lay comfortably on my back.

Baby everything I got comes with its own set of issues.

Some issues I know what to do, I’d say most. But some things legit give me anxiety so bad I feel like I get frozen in place. I ball up my legs and feelings and just sit, no music, tv, phone nothing. I just freeze and focus on breathing to bring me back to allow me to command my body. Like in those moment I’m seeing whatever today’s tragedy is and I’m thinking through it, and mostly hating that the issue has presented itself. My head screams “WHY?!?” “HOW?!?” “AGAIN??!” and the loudest “I CANT DO THIS!!”

I may sit there and think through the situation, replay it a million times in my head. May think about plausible solutions even think of a plan but I’ll sit, and often tears just run down my face.

Last night I was having one of those moments balled up on my sofa and my son walked in on me, saw me and he instantly knew something was wrong. He got me in motion, I’m sure every mom reading this understands what I mean, we can’t let our babies see that side of us. So as I was moving I noticed how hard it was to catch my breath. I was cold and trembling but I was moving.

I realized in that moment my freezes are panic attacks.

Bad B!{+#£$ have bad days and panic attacks apparently.

To be the woman that’s always told you’re so strong, you can do anything. Look at all that you’re doing! Do your thing girl! it’s almost embarrassing to think that even I can have panic attacks. I’m human and everyone even the people that seem to have it all together are subject to bad days. Think about it, having everything really takes everything out of you! I’m just a girl With hormones and emotions and sometimes I just freeze in place and hope somebody else can do it. I think my panic attack comes from knowing that it all falls on me, and no one can save me, I have to save me. That’s been the case my entire life and I am really tired. This crown is heavy as hell. 

In the song it says “all I really wanna hear is it’ll be OK. (I’ll) bounce back cause a bad B!{+# can have bad days.”

The song is so reassuring because she speaks to almost exactly how these days feel for me. I’ll let Megan speak for herself. Click the link watch the video. Listen to her words, they speak my heart. My letter to heaven would be to Meghan and Granny, it’s the only difference

Love y’all mean it.

MsRaqi 💜

The-Healing-Heart