DAY 3

Today’s assignment was to call a loved one that you haven’t talked to in a while and catch up. Oh, I tried to be so surface with this exercise and fake deep at the same time. I called my ex mother-in-law, and for icing on the cake I called my ex father-in-law too. However, calling them wasn’t a stretch at all. I have always had a close relationship with my mother-in-law, my ex and I used to tease that we traded mothers. He was closer to my mom than I ever have been and the same was for me and his mom. I missed her. That’s my girl.  We can sit on the phone for hours, go shopping together, plan trips and family outings, hell she taught me how to “cook cook”, I still call her on Thanksgiving to ensure I get the recipes right. It just had been a minute since we had caught up. It’s just about the same for Dad, that’s my guy. He is always a hoot and loves to talk to his “Grand-Boys”. Something told me that wasn’t the real work needed to heal my heart.

Then I called my cousin, the one I hadn’t talked to in three years. THIS was the call I was meant to make today. This call was a stretch. We were once super close, thick as thieves, born just one month apart. We even got baptized together!

 We had gotten in a huge fight that ended our relationship, and neither of us tried to reconcile. It just was a lost relationship. Well today when I made that call so much changed for me. I saw how toxic I was at that time in life (He dealt with that mask). So much had went on that I was a walking bruise. Any and every poke hurt. I was so insecure and miserable that I subconsciously would be looking for a battle to vindicate my anger. All because I wasn’t really dealing with what had already hurt me.

During our conversation he made a statement; “Hurt people hurt people”. I had heard that so many times but today it hit differently.   We get in these situations with people and forget to extend grace. Our own feelings cloud our judgement and before we know it, we have hurt the ones we love, sometimes so deeply the relationship seems irreparable.

A simple disagreement can separate us from people that make such an impact in our lives. Forced to live with a piece is missing and more attached to being disgruntled than mending. No, our personal happiness shouldn’t be tied to others but it’s an undeniable need of humans. We need other people! Love helps our hearts; it helps us live longer and healthier lives. Unforgiveness can cause so many health issues. According to John Hopkins Medicine unforgiveness can cause depression, heart disease, diabetes and other conditions. When you think about it, we end up poisoning ourselves staying angry. Is it worth it to hold on? How much better will our lives, our health, our HEARTS be if we simply forgive. Hearing that heart disease can be caused by forgiveness makes me think that may have something to do with the fact that heart disease is the number one killer of black women. I feel it’s no coincidence that the “angry black women” holding on to hurt are dying from it.

 Well, I choose to live! No longer will I shut people out because of simple disagreements, I will extend mercy, forgive and move on. I choose this day to let go of all pain, anger, hurt and offense I’ve carried. Life happens, we know this, how we handle it is what shapes our character. I choose this day to walk graciously, with grace for myself and others.

I will close with lyrics from India.Arie’s Just Let It Go

You’ve been through so much

So many ups and downs

You’ve given your love

But never liked the way it turned out

You closed off your heart

And you carried the weight

Like a million rocks on your shoulders

But you don’t have to wait for an apology

Or for someone else to make amends

When you can remember

That your healing is in your hands

Signing off,

Ms. Raqi A Healing Heart