Days 4-7

Today is day seven, yes I know it’s a few diary entries missing but let me tell you all why.

Day 4 was about turning off our electronic devices a few hours earlier, I did just that. I turned off my phone, ipad and computer and went out with my oldest. We went bowling and played laser tag, we also tried to skate and that didn’t go too well.  That time out having a good time was much needed for us both.  He is a really cool kid so momma has to catch time with him while is still willing to hang out with this “boomer” lol.

Day 5 was very heavy on me. The assignment was forgiving ourselves for a regret and I choose to forgive myself for forgetting myself. I had gotten so obsessed with being accepted it was easy for me to make myself a martyr for the masses. I would forget to honor when I wanted to say no. I didn’t acknowledge when I wanted to say yes either. I lived afraid of my own voice, better yet the response to my voice, so I would mute my own desires. My granny used to tell me if you are going to stand out be willing to stand up for why you stand out. Now that I’m ready I’m willing to stand in my own power, true to my belief system and not bend for the crowd. Everyone don’t even like Beyonce and they definitely didn’t all like Yeshua (Jesus) why in the world am I hung up on a like? I’m not a damn post! Call me weird, however I prefer Unique. I’m different. And that’s Okay!

Day 6 we were supposed to write a letter to someone we are thankful for, this letter I didn’t write yesterday, I was too exhausted to pour into someone else. I know who I will write and I plan to do that as soon as I finish this entry. The person I’m writing is a woman that choose to love me and my children for no reason at all. She gives selfishly to us and I really appreciate everything she has done for us and I think she should know how much she means to us.

Today, Day 7 we were to get ourselves roses, just appreciating ourselves.  I didn’t get to the store (that’s a whole separate rant) but the time with me will still be spent. As I write this I have a glass of wine and chill on the porch enjoying the breeze, I even spent majority of my work day feeding my skin some vitamin D and ate a wonderful meal. I buy me flowers weekly so its not the flowers that make the difference for me taking a step back and looking at me, SEEING ME, as a woman worthy and deserving of love AS I AM is the exercise for me today. I appreciate all of the woman I have become and I honor all the pieces of me.

Mother E. Badu leaves us with these lyrics in “Me”

Everything around you see
The Ankhs, the wraps, the plus degrees
And yes even the mysteries
Its all me
Sometimes it hard to move you see
When you growing publicy
But if I have to chose between
I chose me

Signing off,

Ms. Raqi A Healing Heart ❤