Five years ago when I woke up to do my “rounds” before the family woke up I found my 20 month old twin laying in his crib.

He was unresponsive.

Normally when I would find him on his side I would straighten him out and he would ball up, stretch out then relax with a sigh.

He didn’t move.

I immediately began CPR.

We had been trained for these moments. Believe it or not it wasn’t the first time he had been found not breathing.

Once his GodMom freaked and it was my oldest that knew what to do calling me into action yelling “Mommy quick Baby blue”

My little boy had such a had time on Earth.

He is in heaven forever a toddler running pulling paper towels outta cabinets.

The harder part of moving on after the transition of my baby is dealing with his siblings.

I have peace with his transition. His broken shell should rest. I am still close to his light spirit. We honor him every Tuesday by rocking “Camo for Cammie”.

On 1/30 we always have a fish fry as an ode to all the ancestors and move strong into black history month.

I talked about maybe not because we had leftover chili. My oldest chimed in and then they all were talking and I realized what Cameron meant to his brothers and how they don’t see his passing the same way I do.

He was their brother. He always had a feeding tube. He always hand seizures. He always had to stay in the hospital. That’s Cam.

They don’t get how it hurt to stay alive.

They miss their buddy.

He wasn’t broken or sick to them, he was different or at least that what mommy taught them. Cameron had chronic conditions like epilepsy, COPD, Cerebral Palsy and even high blood pressure. None of it life threatening just painful.

I prayed for a smile and god granted expression. I saw hurt too. Now I see it in brothers that long for just one more playmate to break the ties. A twin missing his mirrored image. A big brother interested in medicine because of all that his baby brother went through. They feel like they lost something.

Tonight after dinner I have to have a talk with my boys.

Five years later they are more equipped to understand why we release him and how we still are with him daily.

They didn’t lose a brother.

He simply transitioned.

In loving memory of Cameron Alonzo Ferguson 5/24/16-1/30/18

I ask one favor from every reader (if you can) to do something for my family, donate a pint of blood.

Cameron had 8 blood transfusions his first 24 hours. I will forever try to replace the dint. Thank you🙏🏽