Is it just me but some days I was to just be in my own little world that only serves me. Like ion wanna get dressed, ion wanna clean up, go no where, cook nothing barely wanna watch tv. Sometimes I just don’t be feeling like it.

I’m started to understand what’s happening in those moments for me. Yesterday was one of those days for me I thought about the days before, I did some big chores (yes I do windows), including some that weren’t even mine, I had a day when I day-partied, worked, spent time with my family and I’ve been doing my work outs and posting here while looking into new business ventures.

THAT’S A LOT!!

So why do I feel like I just didn’t want to do anything versus feeling as if a day of rest is due? I’ve had these revelations repeatedly but the guilt from rest never seems to subside.

Why is that?

I have my theories. One is that motherhood/womanhood are often synonymous with martyr. The strong black woman rhetoric makes us feel like we don’t measure up if we need rest. I remember as a kid when Mariah Carey was hospitalized for exhaustion, all I heard from the adults was “that’s her white side, black women don’t do that” talk like that is engraved in my head. So I always kept going, I’m a black woman, I’m supposed to be indestructible. Right?

Well, just because I wasn’t built to break doesn’t mean that I was built to operate without rest. Anything, even a machine, needs regular maintenance so that it doesn’t break down from regular use and wear and tear. and even though black women are uniquely powerful, strong, and have tenacity like none other that doesn’t mean that we’re not people and that we don’t get tired. and sometimes from putting out so much energy the day before you may not have anything left. on those days when I don’t got nothing to give nobody.

I have to remind myself on a regular basis that I’m worthy of resting too. I think one of the main reasons and my theory is that we feel like we have to work to prove our worth and if we stop, we have these mental stories that “unless you do no one can see you” so we never stop and we keep going no matter how we feel. Well, I’m talking to Me and I’m talking to y’all when I say “ if you don’t do anything else, you’ve already done enough to deserve the love that you get you are worth everything that you have and that you receive. you don’t have to do anything else”. Not to prove your worth, you might have things to do and have things that you are responsible for, but if you can’t show up that moment because you choose you that doesn’t make you less.

Sometimes resting is the only way that we get to choose ourselves. Sometimes stepping away is the only way that I can bring myself together so that I could deal with other people kindly. If I don’t take those steps away, I show up as the angry black woman. ABW is just a stupid term to explain an overstimulated, exhausted, probably dehydrated and starved, probably in pain, probably suffering through sadness, anxiety, and mental stories of not being enough because we’ve always been taught to seek and be on perfection’s hamster wheel. I understand that people that look differently from me have their own battles, but there is nothing like the uphill battle for a black woman when she simply wants to rest.

So you know what; when I don’t feel like it, I don’t feel like it.

Rest is a revolution

Love y’all mean it

Ms Raqi💜

The-Healing-Heart